I know of several people who have been courageous with their stories and are a little intimidated about the thought of speaking out in front of the State Attorney and a court room. I know you feel a little scared at the thought of facing Darrell Gilyard again and others who may be there. I know you are worried about your name and your story being known. It is one thing to tell case workers or detectives in one quiet meeting or even telling me in a personal email or phone call. It is much bigger to tell it publicly in a court. I know their are those of you who feel you and your family will be embarrassed and I understand, fully, what you mean. It is difficult to expose the truth when it is this ugly. It is embarrassing, you do at times feel it would be easier to remain silent and just let it go away. But the thing is, it never goes away, not completely. You (I hope) will learn to forgive, but only God is capable of forgetting. It will creep up when you least expect it and it does show up in your life in different ways. Even if you do not allow it to become a focus, it is there.
What I am trying to say is, it is much better to face it, to purge it, to boldly confront it than to try to bury it or remain in bondage by the fear of coming out. You will not be embarrassed unless you allow yourself to be. You were not looking for this, you did not welcome the predator. No matter what you may have even consented to happen, you were still victimized by a respected figure you were supposed to trust. That is a violation and the only one who should carry shame is him. Shame is also a form of bondage and the devil can use that to keep you from all that God has planned for you - and trust me dear friend, He still has BIG plans. You may be able to help someone else down the road that you would otherwise have been unable to help, but with a shared story, there is much compassion and healing. I know from experience. I (after my 1991 incident) went on the following year to work at a Children's Home for troubled and abused children. I had the time of my life there helping others deal with their trauma and healing from physical and sexual abuse from people that they respected and loved. They had the choice to let it negatively affect their lives (some did) or to stand up, and work through it and forgive and to allow God to "work it all for good" because He loves us so. You may think "Why did God allow this?" well, there is this thing called free will, he allows us to sin and make our own choices (your predator made his choice to violate God's and man's law) unfortunately, you were the victim. But God's arms are WIDE open my friend, ready to heal, ready to make Beauty from the ashes. But it is all up to you ,there's that free will thing again : } you have to allow Him to be your strength, you have to welcome Him in to heal and direct you. And you have to expose the truth. You cannot fully heal unless you do, trust me. I have healed all over again during these last few weeks, it does not get any better than allowing God to take something that man meant for harm and let Him (the Great Healer) make it for good.
Please, be courageous (you already are a survivor) don't be silent or afraid, please don't allow your silence to cover his sin. To many people have already, and now there are more victims, I have to live with that also. But, I have seen His hand moving here and I have (with many others) covered this in prayer and I believe He is exposing it all at this time because it is time. I believe God is walking with us right now more than ever. I've seen so much happen this week that you cannot deny His hand at work! So, you pray about it and I know He will walk with you all the way through the process, all the way through what you are now fearing. He will give you strength. He never gives us more than we can bear, he must know you are really strong. Come and join us, let's glorify the Father and put and end to this deceiver. I am proud of you and many others are proud of you as well. The majority of the emails I receive are encouragement and love. It's not as bad as you think. Those that come against you or talk negatively, they are not friends, and they would turn on anyone. Be true to yourself, make your family and friends proud by showing what strength lays underneath those wounds. Then let the Lord be glorified by healing those wounds and using it for good. He is who we serve, not man, not evil.
I love you my fellow victims and warriors!! I know you can do it! I believe in you and I will stand with you. When this is all over, and we are allowed to communicate, we can have a survivors celebration dinner together - how does that sound?